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In the depths if addiction, seven days into a bender with no sleep, food, or social interaction, I continually find myself asking why I did it again. Why did I choose to return this absolutely miserable existence of sitting alone in the dark doing lines and talking to the voices in my head. I choose to go back every single time and I hate every second of it. I guess I must love it how much I hate it...

“love how much i hate this” by ihatefenny is a visceral anthem of self-sabotage wrapped in a volatile storm of glitch-pop, heavy bass, and raw emotion. The track captures the toxic push-pull of addiction, self-loathing, and codependency — where pain becomes familiar and suffering feels like home. Shredded synths, distorted harmonics, and explosive drops mirror the chaos in the lyrics, dragging you through spirals of regret, defiance, and shame. It’s not just about heartbreak — it’s about being addicted to the downfall, addicted to the misery, and loving it just enough to never let go. Dark, intense, and painfully relatable.

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Song contains parts created with generative AI

love how much i hate this

ihatefenny

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